Mind & Soul

How Family Constellation Can Support Fertility and Parenthood

The desire to have a child is one of the most natural and powerful wishes we can hold. And yet, for many, the path to becoming a parent is not a straightforward one. When pregnancy doesn’t happen—despite readiness, love, medical support, and deep longing—the journey can feel lonely, confusing, and painful.

Medical advances such as IVF, IUI, egg or sperm donation, and surrogacy offer hope to those wishing to start or expand a family. Yet, even with the support of science, emotional and energetic blocks can remain – often deeply rooted in the hidden layers of our Family System.

Beyond the Physical: The Soul of the Family System

In Family Constellation, developed by Bert Hellinger, we recognise that many life challenges — including fertility issues — may not begin with us. They often stem from transgenerational trauma, unresolved grief, or excluded members in the Family System. These hidden loyalties and entanglements can unconsciously affect our bodies, our relationships, and even our ability to conceive or nurture new life.

For example:

• A woman may carry unconscious guilt from a grandmother who lost a child.
• A man may feel split between loyalty to his family of origin and starting his own.
• A previous abortion or miscarriage in the Family System may have been unacknowledged, leaving a ‘missing piece’ in the family soul.

Many of my clients have come to Family Constellation work after years of trying to conceive, through natural means or assisted procedures like IVF. They’ve often tried everything—except this. And yet, for so many, Family Constellation becomes the missing piece.

Why? Because this work doesn’t just address the body—it reaches the soul.

Uncovering Hidden Dynamics

Family Constellation allows us to access the Morphogenetic Field—the deep knowing field of our family system—where unconscious loyalties and entanglements across generations can be seen and released.

Sometimes, infertility or repeated IVF failure is not about biology at all. It can be the soul’s response to unresolved trauma or loss in the family system: a sibling who was lost and never mourned, a grandmother who died in childbirth, an abortion that was never acknowledged, or the hidden grief of a parent. These experiences leave energetic imprints that may unconsciously block life from flowing freely.

My Own Journey

My personal journey into Family Constellation began with the very same wish. Years ago at work in my law office in London, I had a powerful and unexpected encounter during an energy healing session. I was simply seeking relief for a sore back from working too many hours sitting at the desk—yet suddenly, a deep soul cry emerged: a longing for a child I didn’t even know I was holding.

The healer told me: ‘You’ll have a son. I can see him. He’s behind your right shoulder, about 5-7 years old, with blond hair and blue eyes, looking at you patiently. He’s already here, waiting for you to clear the path.’ I was stunned. At the time, I had just started dating my future husband and wasn’t planning to have a child. Years passed, we married, but I never became pregnant. Tests showed nothing wrong, yet nothing happened, even after starting IVF.

Eventually, a friend training in Family Constellation suggested we join a workshop. What did we have to lose? That weekend opened a door I didn’t know existed. Six months later, I was pregnant—with the child I had seen all those years ago. Today, he is a grown, happy young man—with blond hair, blue eyes, and a calm, loving nature.

Soul Healing for Parenthood

That experience changed my life. I’ve since helped many others clear the hidden blocks to parenthood—not by replacing medical approaches, but by complementing them at a soul level. Family Constellation can help you:

• Identify entanglements or ancestral trauma affecting fertility
• Honour lost or excluded family members who may be unconsciously ‘blocking’ new life
• Restore the natural order in the Family System so Love and life can flow again
• Reconnect with the soul of your future child

How Family Constellation Can Help

• Uncover and release emotional and energetic blocks to conception
• Heal unresolved grief from miscarriages, abortions, or stillbirths
• Explore the impact of family secrets or excluded members
• Bring clarity and acceptance around IVF, donation, and surrogacy
• Strengthen the inner bond between partners on the fertility journey
• Reconnect with your body and its innate wisdom
• Create space for a child to arrive — not just physically, but soulfully

A Safe Place for Healing the Soul

You are not alone. The path to creating a family can be both challenging and beautiful — and Family Constellation offers you a compassionate companion on the journey. Your future child may already be near, waiting, as mine was, for the healing that opens the door.

At Family Constellation VIRTUAL, we offer workshops, one-on-one sessions, and training programs where you can safely explore your own path to parenthood from the convenience of your own home. Whether you are just beginning to try, have undergone multiple procedures, or are considering alternative ways of becoming a parent, this work can offer peace, perspective, and often, profound transformation.

Get in touch with us to learn more about sessions, upcoming workshops or courses related to fertility, IVF, and Family Systems. Your story is welcome here.

Warm hugs, Maia

Healing the Inner Child Through Family Constellation

Inner child work has become a cornerstone in modern therapeutic and self-help practices. It invites us to reconnect with the younger parts of ourselves that still carry unmet needs, emotional wounds, and unresolved trauma. When combined with the powerful systemic approach of Family Constellations, as developed by Bert Hellinger, inner child healing becomes a deeply transformative experience.

Who is the Inner Child?

The ‘inner child’ represents the emotional body of our early years. It carries the joy, creativity, vulnerability, and pain of childhood experiences. While we grow physically and intellectually, parts of us often remain frozen in time, particularly around moments of trauma, neglect, or emotional loss. These traumas unconsciously influence our adult relationships, decision-making, and even our health.

Family Constellations and the Systemic Lens

Bert Hellinger’s method of Family Constellation work offers a unique systemic view of individual and ancestral entanglements. It reveals how many of our inner child wounds are not only personal but also rooted in intergenerational patterns. For example, a child may carry the unspoken grief of a parent, feel guilt for a sibling’s suffering, or unconsciously take on the fate of an excluded family member, going back 7 generations.

In a Family Constellation, the inner child can be represented by another participant, an object, or simply acknowledged through guided awareness. The process allows the client to witness the hidden dynamics in their family system that contribute to their emotional struggles. Through applying the Orders of Love, healing movements can occur.

How the Inner Child Appears in Constellation Work

Clients may find that their inner child appears in various ways:

• A deep longing for connection with mother or father
• Fear of abandonment, rejection, or not being seen
• Patterns of self-sabotage or unworthiness
• Difficulty trusting or feeling safe in relationships

When these core wounds are acknowledged in a constellation, often by restoring the natural order in the family system (Bert Hellinger’s ‘Orders of Love’), the inner child can begin to heal on a soul level. The adult self can step forward with more clarity, strength, and emotional resilience.

A Bridge to Wholeness

Family Constellation work doesn’t ‘fix’ the inner child in a conventional sense. Instead, it builds a bridge of understanding and compassion between the adult self and the wounded parts. This bridge, supported by the systemic and energetic field, offers profound integration.

Clients often report a sense of peace, emotional release, and new insight into their childhood experiences. They may find they are no longer reacting from old wounds but responding from a place of grounded presence.

Combining inner child work with Family Constellations creates a deeply holistic pathway to healing. It allows us to see that our pain doesn’t exist in isolation but is part of a larger story—a family story that longs to be acknowledged, honored, and healed. As Bert Hellinger taught, when love can flow again in the right order, the soul finds peace. And when the inner child is met with this love, transformation naturally follows.

Reconnect with Your Inner Child

Take a quiet moment now. Gently close your eyes and focus on your breath. Let each inhale guide you deeper into your body, into the space within where calm and peace reside.

Now, invite your inner child to appear. See yourself as that child:
What are you wearing? How old are you? Where are you?
What’s happening around you? What is being said?
And finally, who is with you?

Simply observe. Don’t judge or try to remember the ‘correct’ story. Just witness. Allow your inner child to express whatever comes up, freely and without interruption. Then, with all the love in your heart, offer them what they may have longed for: your presence.
Tell them: ‘You are not alone. I see you. I hear you. I love you.‘

This is a powerful and gentle visualisation to reconnect with your inner child. To go deeper into healing, they require guidance—an approach that not only acknowledges the wounded inner child within the soul but also reveals the intergenerational roots of the pain.

Family Constellation offers such a path. It allows you to uncover the hidden dynamics that shaped your inner world—and transform them. At Family Constellation ViRTUAL, you find a safe, compassionate space for this kind of deep inner work.

Our workshops, private sessions, and online training programs are designed to support you in reconnecting with your inner child and uncovering the healing movements that restore the Flow of Love and bring Freedom and Happiness to your life. If you want to begin your journey to heal your inner child now, please get in touch.

Give your inner child a big, warm hug!

Maia

For many partnerships it is heartbreaking to learn that they cannot have their own children. With a fertility rate getting lower each year due to lifestyle choices and environmental pollution in the western world but the deep desire to create a family there are more and more affected couples turning towards adoptions. And it seems as it this is not only the solution to their problem, but also a win-win-situation in general: to give an unwanted or parentless child a home seems to be the utmost altruistic motive to do something good too.

But how does an adoption effect the family system? In Bert Hellingers ‘First Order of Love’ we can see who belongs to a family system: these are all the children, parents, grandparents, siblings and partners (and some former partners) in 2-3 generations. The parents of the parents are included in one’s family system up to 7 generations back, plus some who are genetically not related, but have bonded through actions or destiny.

That makes minimum of 240 souls who belong to the same family system, often many many more.

These orders are derived from the phenomenological work of Bert Hellinger within over 40 years and in line with what we perceive when we work with family constellations: when someone is cast out who belongs to the family system, the first Order of Love is disobeyed, and this in turn causes suffering within the whole family over 7 generations.

In many countries, adoption terminates the birth parents rights and responsibilities towards the adopted person. In Japan, for instance, the Civil Code acknowledges that adoption ends existing relationships between the adopted child and their birth parents and blood relatives. And in countries, where the civil code doesn’t provide such a regulation (i.e. France) the parties of the adoption can and often do agree to the termination of all rights of the birth parents, which includes the right of citizenship, name and inheritance.

The question that arrises here is: what impact has it on a child and their family system, when it is giving away for adoption, and cut off from all their rights? And what are the consequences for the family system of this child? And finally, what impact does an adoption have on the Family System which the adopted child comes into?

According to Bert Helllingers ‘Orders of Love’ an adopted child is remaining a full member of the family system they are born into, regardless of the fact that the rights to belong to the birth family have been given up in the physical world by legal agreement or decree. The soul of the child still belongs to the family of origin and will remain there no matter what happens to the body. Therefore, the adoption especially right after giving birth and therefore being held a secret in may cases, leaves a gap in the order of the family systems, which will never be closed until the missing child is acknowledged. This missing child is made visible by the family soul in many ways, to be not forgotten: there will be suffering in the family throughout many generations, either in form of dis-eases, repeated negative pattern, accidents, depression all the way to inexplicable suicides. The family soul has a strong urge to be whole, and to make sure everyone has their rightful place in the system! Therefore suffering will be created until one of the descendants finds it unbearable and seeks help to look at the family entanglements and intergenerational traumas.

In a family constellation these children are made visible with the help of representatives who are resonating with the morphogenetic field of the family system. Through allowing this child a voice and the movement of the souls back to unity, healing is enabled, sometimes all the way to 7 generations back, and future generations are free of this burden as well.

What can one do to prevent this from happening? Bert Hellinger has the answer: if the child still has their own family who can look after it, fostering is preferred to adoption. If the child has no close family members left to look after it, adoption is possible when it is openly communicated to the child and the environment that it still belongs on a soul-level to another family system. And for the family, who has agreed to the adoption, it is crucial that they count the adopted child amongst their own children and give them a name and a space in their lineage.

The family system, in which the child is adopted into, does not belong to the family system of the child, only in rare circumstances will there be a cross-over. The family who is adopting a child has their own entanglements and emotional traumas in their system which let to the adoption. A family constellations in the method of Bert Hellinger brings to light the soul-cause of the wish to adopt a child and allows the souls to move towards healing in this family system.

Here is the adopted child the helper and enabler for this step forward towards healing the family wound of another family system and deserves gratitude and love from the family for the sacrifice of leaving the rightful place in their own family, not the adoption family for ‘rescuing’ a child, as society may perceive it.

To all the adopted children in the world: THANK YOU!

Maia

How would you describe the feeling of jealousy? Is it anger or fear, inadequacy or even disgust? Does it only come up in romantic relationships or can it be experienced in other relationships as well?
In this blog post we’re going to explore the hidden dynamic behind the feeling of jealousy and how to overcome this low vibrating emotion.

First we have to find out where this feeling is originated. What is it that you want when you feel jealous? Do you want to have something that someone else has and you don’t? That sounds more like envy, where you experience the feeling of lacking something (or someone) which somebody else already possesses, which can be an object, often money or expensive things, or beauty, or accomplishments i.e. in competitions or studies.

Envy only needs two persons, the one who is envy and the other who has what is desired, either an object or an individual. And the object/individual that you envy is not in your possession, that is the point! I remember when a wise woman told me the truth behind envy that brought me down to earth in my early teenage years when I was desperate about something another girl had and I had not (I now have forgotten was it was, off course it wasn’t important in my life at all): to be envy about something means you want to have it (or him/her) without paying the price for it! If you want something or someone, do whatever is needed to create an environment that allows it into your life and don’t look in others for it! Since then I never again envied anything because I understood that what ever I want I will get if I work for it, evolve and become a person that can deal with it, create life circumstances that allows it in and so on, so it all depends on me alone to achieve my goal and no-one else is to blame. The other one already has it because they have worked for it, evolved into a person that can handle it, made sacrifices that allowed them to have, all what I haven’t done yet or never want to do anyhow. So if it doesn’t happen, I don’t get the object or person, it’s not mend to be in my life at this stage, which is a good thing because I won’t be ready to handle it! This is the simple and so relieving conclusion, that makes it obvious there’s absolutely no space for envy in anyones life.

“If you’re envying something you want to have it without paying the price for it!”

Jealousy however is quite different, it needs 3 persons to be jealous: the one who is jealous, the other person which whom he/she is in a relationship, and the third person who is intruding the relationship. When you’re jealous you fear that you are going to loose something (or someone) that you already posses as oppose to envy where do don’t have it yet. A typical example is a romantic relationship, where you already have a partner but he/she is also in another relationship with someone else, either de-facto or perceived. Now you’re not envying what the third person has, which is the romantic relationship, because you have it too, but you’re afraid to loose him/her to the other individual. This emotion is often accompanied with the feeling of inadequacy, low self esteem and blame that the third person is manipulating the partner against their will. This scenario of a ‘ménage à trois’ can trigger the fear of being alone which is often caused by an early childhood trauma of being left alone by the mother.

When in a family constellations this emotion comes up in a representative it can be observed that the thought of ‘I don’t deserve to be happy’ is what’s behind the jealousy often combined with the need to be loved. The solution here is to bring in the mother. As soon as the mother appears the focus on her, the jealousy vanishes and the little child comes out in the representative which is desperate in need of the love from the mother, her approval, nourishment and care.

If the work is done and the child is able to receive mother’s love without resentments, there is a new look on the relationship: it either is now ok that it comes to an end or the partner is now fully present and ready for for the relationship and the third person is not important to them anymore and the couple is united again. One way or the other, the relief from the low vibrating emotion of jealousy is what brings more happiness and freedom not only on an individual level, but to the family system as well.

Maia