What is the love of a father?
What does it look like?
Is it the same as a mother’s love?
And what is a father’s love when the child has never truly met him?
These questions often arise, especially when we pause to honour our fathers on Father’s Day.
When the father feels distant in Family Constellations, we often see a gap — a sense of distance between father and child. This distance may feel insurmountable, whether the father was emotionally unavailable, physically absent, or simply unable to express his love.
When that love is not received, children may unconsciously seek it elsewhere. As Bert Hellinger once said:
“Addictions have father’s face.”
In other words, when a child cannot connect to their father’s presence and strength, they often look for substitutes — in alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, food, or even in heavy emotions like depression. The rejection of the father often grows out of stories and judgments: “He wasn’t there for me,” “He couldn’t talk about his feelings,” or “He cared more about work than about us.”
A Father’s Day Workshop
This Father’s Day, we will hold a special workshop to connect with our fathers and the deeper source of father’s love.
I remember in one constellation, the dynamic between a father and daughter was represented with striking clarity.
James (name changed) stood in for the father of a participant who wanted to work on her anxiety. Looking at the representative of his daughter, he said:
“I see there’s confusion in my daughter, but my love for her is just to be who she really is. It’s almost as if I have given the world a gift that doesn’t want to be unwrapped.”
The Father’s Gift
This is the essence of a father’s love:
To give the gift of life itself — a unique spark, a one-of-a-kind presence in the great play of our world.
When a child (later an adult) holds back through depression, anxiety, or addiction, it is often that gift which remains “wrapped.” The inner voice says: “No matter what I achieve, I never feel good enough.”
Yet once the stories and judgments around the father dissolve, something remarkable happens: the heart opens. The love of the father — and of all the fathers before him — can be received as it truly is: pure, unconditional, and life-giving.
Unwrapping the Gift
When this love flows, the gift no longer stays hidden. Talents, strengths, and possibilities that have been in the DNA since conception begin to shine.
It is like a star finally taking its rightful place in the night sky — no longer dimmed, but bright and clear, contributing its light to the whole.
Happy Father’s Day to all fathers, everywhere in the world.
May we learn to see their gift for what it is — and allow ourselves to unwrap it fully!
Love, Maia